Braver Than We Are - Meat Loaf

So the last 2016 album I did was pretty solid. I mean not much of a point, but I enjoyed it none the less. Now on to an album that sucks. This is the new Meat Loaf album that was released a few weeks ago. This follows his 2011 album Hell in a Handbasket and is the fifth album to feature songs written by Jim Steiman, though he did co-writer tracks 2 and 7. Now while I could be wrong, their last collaboration was kind of.... it wasn't that great. I haven't heard all of it but what I heard I didn't like. I'll still review it, and the other Bat out of Hell II but this is kinda like (or 5 if you count Dead Ringer). Well I looked into the credits to see something, what I found was this album was produced by M.O.D. guitarist, and features a number of people who have been playing with him for a number of albums.

1. Who Needs the Young: Opening with a bluesy feeling, which to be honest it isn't a bad beginning. I don't really jive with it, but its not a terrible opening. Well for all you fans of blues, don't get to comfy. The song changes to a different style completely. I will point out that transition from the introduction to the horns.... ewwww. I feel the doo-wop/50's vibe that kinda reminds me of Valarie (The Mothers cover), but like what the fuck is this. It kinda sounds like fucked, and not in a good way. Like it kinda slows down and moves the speed of everything around as if the tape is being manipulated. Which could be very interesting, if this was on tape and done more better. The song then goes into a sort of slick jazzy, somewhat cabaret track that I hoped would be really neat. The music is fine, but the vocals.... oh shit. I've heard this song three times now, and it doesn't get easier to listen to. I think the effects on the backing vocals are stupid. I mean I'm glad that he's having fun, but this is just like weird, using it in a negative connotation. It doesn't feel like someone experimenting and doing something fun. I want the flair, and confidence and power... but nothing. You know Bowie'd do a great job with this, song and arrangement. It kind of reminds me a bit of Alabama Song. The song doesn't really ever click together, making that 5 minutes feel even longer than 5 minutes. Yeah there's tons of ideas that happen and this could have been stretched out to 11 minutes and have been an overture.... But it doesn't click ever. Like there are parts where it sounds like they're either intentionally off or they just can't feel the groove. I do see potential in the song though, the doo wop parts in particular.
2. Going All the Way (A Song in 6 Movements): This track is supposed to be the epic one. I mean they kind of all are, but this is, even based off the title, kinda "epic". You know the double digit, and almost double digit, tracks likes Bat Out of Hell, I'd Do Anything For Love, Paradise by the Dashboard Light, For Crying out Loud and well that's kinda it. It features Ellen Foley (the girl in Paradise on the album) and Karla DeVito (the girl on who toured with him and would sing that song with him live). They've done other things, but off the bat there are similarities, almost set against it to have to live up to at least Paradise, a song with three movements (though I think it's more like three movements, but there are four or five sections). I mean I can dig into why I think this doesn't work, each individual part but I think I'll try to keep it simple and be straight. The vocals from Meat hurt my ears, this songs no where near as engaging or charming as past songs and I won't be singing any of the lyrics here ever.  The most important thing in one of thoses is to take me there, this doesn't.
3. Speaking in Tongues: This track features Stacy Michelle and is obviously is a nod to the Talking Heads album cover. The picture on the front of the 1983 album, not the music. No who would do such a crazy thing as that? Actually, the vocals kinda remind me of a white Blowfly. And if the lyrics were dirty and there was no acoustic guitar, this could be a newer track by him. This is a pretty generic track that does absolutely nothing to be honest. The female vocalist who has a bit of flambe reminds me of Feel Inside.
4. Loving You is a Dirty Job (But Somebody's Gotta Do It): Before I get into the cringe that is this title, this track also happens to feature Stacy Michelle. Okay, so where was I.... Oh the title. Are you fucking kidding me? I know Faith No More don't own that phrase, its a dirty job but someone's gotta do it, but like what the fuck. Really, even if he didn't know of that tracks existence or the fucking TV show (which sucks) this title still is a cringe. The only time I'd give this a pass is if the song was about being in love with some who has klismaphilia or whatever the correct tense would be for this sentence. If that was the case I think this entire album would get a pass for how hilarious the song would be. Actually.... Holy shit I have an idea for a song. But as for the song it's self, it opens and is kind okay. I mean I am not digging the keys or synth sound but whatever. This kinda feels like a Paramore song. Like I am in visioning them more or less, but if they had a guest pianist. I like the cadence in the song. Other than that, I don't really know. I mean it's not a terrible song, but there's so many things that sound terrible in the song. I think this works better with older production, this is too clean and clear.... I don't know, where's the bite. This is like nothing, I want a tear jerker or a punch in the gut. I'm not getting that, like the only response here is boredom and I'm more thinking about the cute girl I saw while driving today. Like the girl who I saw for about two minutes, not even, is having more of an impact than the supposed tear jerker of a Meat Loaf album.
5. Souvenirs: This might be the only song, so far, I'll revisit out of the review. This has a very Lean on Me comrade feeling to it. There's also a very prevalent soul feeling. Well maybe not that, but more of a closing SNL theme. This song isn't terrible, and I kinda like it. I mean it doesn't really feel like it's a great or even satisfying song. But I do like the horns, the saxophones are nice. And over all this is the track I have the least problems with. And if you forget about the horrible fx on the harmonies, the sax solo is satisfying. That doesn't mean it's hard to praise this song, or be positive for me, but I still think it's the best one here. And I like that organ on the track, or the organ sound at least. I guess I hear a great Meat Loaf song in this track, something like All Revved Up with No Where to Go, but it just isn't there. Also a negative, it just keeps fucking going.... and leading no where. I don't care if the sax is pay off... it's not enough to warrant this length.
6. Only When I Feel: What kind of a title is this....... okay so I listened to this. If I didn't know him prior, I'd think Meat's got a disability. I'm not trying to be funny, I'm being serious.
7. More: Alright, this totally reminds me of 2001 A Sex Oddysey. I'm not even kidding, like that albums kind of.... bad and cheesy, and this song could be a more serious lyrical cut from that album. So I've heard this song three times, and I'm still speechless when it gets here. Like I'm not even kidding, my eyes just pop out of my head like someone just out of the blue goes "I wanna fuck you". I swear I would hear this on a song from the 90's I just stumbled upon while looking at samples on Whosampled. And this just keeps on going.
8. Godz: This song is, to be honest at this point, fucking corny. Like I'm not jiving with this. Maybe it's supposed to be fun tongue and cheek.... but this is just kinda like lame. Was he trying to make his version of Hamilton.Though there is a part that does remind me of a watered down Residents.
9. Skull of Your Country: This is the last track to have a feature, the feature being Cian Coey. And during my first listen I had kind of checked out for a second and then all the sudden I hear, the "turn around" response to the call from Total Eclipse of the song Meat Loaf turned away before it was given to Bonnie Tyler and made one of my all time favorite songs ever and included in this run on. Now besides the total jarring nature of why; as mentioned he originally turned down the song before it was given to Bonnie Tyler, how does this help this song. Now yeah, Jim wrote the song and its not like he's stealing lyrics or quoting someone else's song for no reason like King Kunta (IMO). Sometimes call backs are really cool, Zappa does them and Aerosmith kind of did... Though the latter I'm not as found of the why they'd do it now as I was before. But like... Why? I'm pretty sure this explanation makes as much sense and I've gotten out of this song. So the second time around this is almost completely un listenable. There is so much happening, but it's not to create chaos it's just a terrible arrangement. Kinda like a jumble fuck, but not in a good way. If you wanna hear what I think they were going for with the drums done right listen to  Packard Goose's solo.
10. Train of Love: This features a slide solo from Rick Meadlocke who was a member of Blackfoot and Lynyrd Skynyrd. To be honest, this introduction isn't half bad. But it's the vocals that kill the song for me, this could have been great but it goes down fast. Here's a visual representation *intro** (vocals)*|_rest of song_. Potential, but it just got ass fucked.

Overall I have to give this album a 3/10. There is way too much off, pitch, tempo, energy, to say this is a good album. This album is kind of a mess and not in a good way, I can't really suggest this in good conscious, what happened. There's no charm, charisma, heart, soul, enema jokes, epic numbers, colostomy bags, fire, enema jokes. I don't know what happened, but like this kinda sucks. Also if Hilary is elected I think I'm gonna drink myself to sleep and cry on the inside. Not that Trump's any better, but for the fact that were at a point the spectacle that was the election even happened.